slam poem by an ad account executive

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Search “advertising account executive” on Shutterstock and this is the first image of the first person who shows up. He looks more like an account supervisor, but he’ll do.

(SCENE: basement stage in an empty bar downtown New York City.)

Can I See The Work

Where is The Work!

CAN. I. SEE. THE. WORK…

Where is The WORK!!!

Can I See The Work…

Follow The Brief!

It’s Due Today Internally

Follow The Brief!

It’s Due Today Internally

Follow The Brief…

Client Approved the Brief

3-Part Message? Client Approved the Brief!

8-Page Brief? Spare Me The Grief!

Write To The Brief

The Brief Is Right!

I Write The Brief

You Write TO The Brief

I Write The Brief

The Brief Is Right!

Don’t Beef!

Don’t Beef The Brief, Copy Chief.

I Write The Brief

You Write TO The Brief

My Briefs, Not Yours!

My Briefs Are Not Boxers

Stop Fighting Them

The Brief Sucks?

YOU Suck…The Life Out Of My Briefs

The Brief Is Long?

The Brief Is Brand Life!

TheBrief-IsTheBrief-IsTheBrief!

Is Approved

Better Be ON Brief

Or I’ll go Off

I’LL GO OFF!

__________

It’s 3, The Work?

It’s 4, The Work?

The Work? THE WORK?!?

It’s EOD

It’s EOD!

Where’s The Work?

Where Is The WORK!

__________

The Work

The Work!!!

(30-second interval)

Off Brief! Off Brief!

Work Is Off-Brief!

Beef! Off-Brief!

Work Is Off-Brief!

Work Is Off, Beef!

What’s THIS?

What’s This DIS?

CD EDITED the Brief

DIS-credited The Brief!

CDs, always 86ing AEs

Who fucking cares (freestyle, no breaks) Gotta go work on my next brief no one will follow THE MOST thankless job in the world I fucking hate creatives fucking fake-writer artist wannabes ooh look at me I wear a dirty T-shirt to work every day because I’m so fucking talented and irreplaceable (breath) CW in 5 years AI will be doing your job and the only thing you’ll be “writing” is the worst half-finished novel about a “Mad” ad agency ever which is saying sumthin because there are about ten thousand shitty half-finished novels about “Mad” ad agencies out there Hey A-D how’s your abstract “painting” goin’ shown any of it to another living human being yet (breath) CD hasn’t “created” or “directed” anything in 10 years but he collects miniature “vintage” ad mascots Jolly Green Giant Speedy Alka-Seltzer Mr. Bubble the fuck-ing Frito Bandito what an ABSOLUT (breath) douchebag…(*drops mic*)

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Post-contentious internal presentation, the AE rereads his trashed 8-page “brief”
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“Fuckers. I even worse jeans today to make them feel more comfortable around me.”
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What am I? Where am I?

Copywriter/Copyranter. My hockey wrist shot is better than yours.

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